The Characters We Make Out Of Others - True Or False?

I was at the play area with our kiddo - who loves cookies. And it does not matter whether they are on the ground or in a packet. So, when she saw a piece of cookie next to the tiger slide, she gave a joyful cry and instantly put it in her mouth. I immediately pulled her close, said “No” loudly, pried her mouth open, and took out the cookie. It was an instantaneous reaction, and I felt so happy that I had saved my child from a dangerous object. Then I looked around to see the toddlers and kids frozen in horror that an adult could deprive one of their own of a cookie. And my daughter, right on cue, started crying loudly, and the accusatory looks I got from her peers made me feel so ashamed and guilty, even though I knew what I did was right.

From their perspective, what I had committed was a terrible crime, and from my perspective, I had protected my child.

On our flight from India to the US, I ended up being in charge of our kid. Running behind her, picking her up - and she wanted to be close to me. I would change her nappy, feed her, rock her. My husband handled all the adult interactions, like talking to the immigration officers, the air hostess on the plane for food, etc. It was like they saw me with a kid, and their eyes glazed over to the adult next to me, who was more functional.

From their perspective, they saw a mother so fully engaged with her kid that she couldn’t function in the adult world. From my perspective, I was capable of answering their questions while taking care of a child.

In both scenarios, neither party is right or wrong. They are looking at the situation from their view - a limited worldview, but it is theirs. This made me realise again how we never see the true picture. There are many sides to the coin, but we are so engrossed in our side and firmly believe that we know the best. For most of us, our egos cannot understand that there might be another reason that explains the other party’s behaviour.

Similarly, at work, I see a colleague from my limited view, completely unaware of what is going on in their world. It’s like I am wearing rose colored glasses, so I see everything as pink. What makes it worse is that I have forgotten that I am wearing tinted glasses. We all go around our daily lives assuming that we can see clearly, but the truth is we see the world around us through the beliefs and mental models from our past, society, parents and whatever else. So, we never really see the true picture.

First, we need to accept that we are only seeing partial truth tainted by our personal view. Second, we need to pause and enquire about others’ views. This way, at least, we have a slightly bigger picture of what the reality might be. Will we ever know the real picture? I don’t know - there have been so many instances in my life when I was dead sure that I was right, only to be proven wrong years later. Hopefully all these instances have given me another ounce of humility as I go about judging myself and others.

What colour glasses are you wearing?