Adoption Diaries - Why?

So, as mentioned in my last blog, we adopted a two-year-old girl from India. It is a very long process - the first form I signed was in June of 2021. The process was so long that I trained my mind to focus on the next paperwork that was due instead of what it would be like when we actually got a kid. And it is a very delicate process with risks involved of not reaching the final milestone, so I managed my expectations. When it was final that we were going to get the baby, I had to untrain myself to let myself feel the emotions and permit myself to start thinking about what it is like to have a baby. And that process still continues.

Why did we adopt? Now that we have adopted, I can tell you it was more of a calling rather than a choice. It feels so right that there is no question about why we adopted and why her. But it was not that simple before. When we got married - like any usual couple we also started trying for kids. But for some reason it did not work out, and at that time my friends were having babies, there was family pressure, and I was also not mature enough to be myself. So, in that confusion, I let myself believe that I also wanted kids. When it did not happen, people suggested doing alternatives like acupuncture, IVF, etc. I was very clear - like a very strong intuition that I did not want to do IVF. I guess I knew that I did not want a baby that badly that I would do such things to my body - I had seen what my friends had gone through. At this time, we were in London - then, when we moved to Columbus, the peer pressure went away, and my brother had kids, so family pressure also reduced. That gave a lot more clarity, and I started thinking about whether I truly want kids or if I’m doing it because that’s what humankind does.

I had more peace when I took the pressure off myself. And then we got our wonderful Shiba-inu dog Aki, who made me realise that I was capable of loving somebody more than myself. Having him also gave my husband and me a very small taste of what it would be like to have a family. We had talked about adoption here and there - sometimes my husband was up for it, sometimes I was ok with it. You have to realise - we had a wonderful, carefree life. We lived our lives like we were still individuals - I binge-watched Netflix shows, I read tons of books, and stayed up as late as I wanted. We travelled a lot. But then there started being empty space - that is how I can describe it. And in 2021, we were both ready to start the adoption journey, and we did.

The adoption process is quite intrusive - they know everything about you, including financials, education, family history, everything. We even had to go through a psych assessment, FBI, state, and Local sheriff background checks annually. We had to do training; we read tons of books. And then a year ago we were finally matched with our daughter. When we got the email, I was in the living room, and my husband was in his office. We both had the feeling that this is it - she is our daughter. One of my friends who had adopted had told me that when we see the child, we will know that it is meant to be. I did not believe her until it really happened. It was uncanny - we both had the feeling at the same time looking at the photo.

And now, here we are two weeks as new parents - still getting used to it. I know now that I could not have done this. This was meant to be.

Thank you for listening and letting me share. More to come!