How Can Constraints Encourage Creativity, Community And Closeness, Really?

We are in Pune, India, for the first time in the longest time ever that we have travelled away from my home in Chennai, India. Now, you have to understand my parents have adjusted the house in Chennai to accommodate foreigners, as their son-in-law, aka my husband, is an American. And the house also accommodates my two nieces from Sydney, who are Australian citizens. And their own kids, my brother and I, who left home a long time ago. Whether they know it or not, the house has also been adapted to their needs, which have changed as they stay in Sydney and Columbus for months at a stretch—all this to say that the Chennai house suits a diverse demographic.

But in Pune, no such accommodations existed. So, it was a slow realization that the Pune Airbnb is not really suited for a six-foot-tall American. One morning, Adam told me that the Indians are too short, and I responded, “I can see why you think that.” He continued that when he has to shave, he cannot see the mirror unless he bends, the couches are made for smaller bodies and the bed is also not made to accommodate tall people. Then the hot water tank is smaller, so we get hot water for only five minutes. For me, taking a shower in a bucket of tap water was the norm growing up, so no adjustment needed.

That was when I realised that it is easier for Indians to adapt to the American lifestyle because it is more comfortable than what they are used to. I have a technique to take a bath (yes - that’s what we call it here, even though there is no bathtub) in cold water, and that too in one bucket of water. When you live in constraints like water being available until ten AM or planned electricity outages, you learn to live with them - you don’t think about it twice because that is life. So, when I moved to the US, life was more comfortable. But, the other way around, if you are moving from the US to India, it is harder to adjust because of the constraints.

With constraints comes a certain mindset of surrender. Like, what am I going to do if the electricity goes out? No amount of complaining or whining is going to fix it. Not that I did not do any of that - of course I did, but over time I realized it did not do anything, so I made peace with it. Making peace with things that are not in your control is a muscle that I need to practice more and more - it never gets old.

Going back to foreigners in India. Locals never walk on the pavement or sidewalk because that’s where all the garbage, spits and shady characters live. You always walk along the side of the road - yes, the actual road where traffic also travels - because it is safer. The other thing is, my husband wants to walk outside, and instinctively, I am like, no, there is pollution, traffic, and dust. Why would you want to take a walk there? And that’s why when I got home, I never left because it is so much nicer inside the house.

The same mindset of surrender or going with the flow permeates most of Indian culture. We are using cash a bit more, as some vendors only accept the Indian GPay-like system, which works if you have a bank account in India. So we went to get coffee, and the coffee shop didn’t have any change, so he charged us less. And we did the same for one of the auto rides. I call the auto rickshaw drivers “bhaiya,” which means “brother.” I am automatically an aunty or didi (big sister) to strangers. There is a certain amount of closeness because we all go through the same constraints. There is a sense of community which I miss when I am in the US.

What is the point of this blog? Maybe to say that it is better to experience hardships, as they make your life easier in general. Or, hardships bring people closer. Or, simply that Indians are too short. Whatever the reason, I honour what words came through me to the paper and to you.

What words or thoughts came to you as you read through this blog?