Can Secrets Be Deadly Or Hold Power Over You?

Secret - is an adjective that means ‘known about by only a few people; kept hidden from others’.

What I am realising is that most stories/shows/movies all have an element of secrecy in them - I am not talking about big public secrets like the tomb of Tutankhamun. Still, small personal secrets that each one of us is sometimes ashamed to share with others, or we fear might cause significant harm if they come out. Like, in one of the shows, one of the main characters is unable to reach his full potential because he is gay and is afraid that if others get to know that about him, his close family and friends will abandon him, and he will be alone. And the villain makes use of that to scare him into doing his bidding. It is only when he admits the truth to himself and shares it with his close friends and family that he becomes his whole self again.

Most importantly, nobody else, including the villain, has a hold on him. But the key thing to note here is that none of his friends and family had any intention of abandoning him, even with the admission of being gay. It was all in his head. Just like the monsters under the bed - these little things take hold in our minds, and they become gigantic. So much so that we start living in a world where they become reality, and people outside probably don’t even care or are completely unaware. Of course, there might be genuinely difficult things - including sexual preference. Still, if it starts dictating your reality, leaving you helpless or a puppet in other people’s hands, then it’s worth the admission. Maybe this is why the concept of confession started in the first place. But isn’t it funny how these things become a big deal for us, and we start seeing the world through that reality.

From my own life - a small example: I avoided going into the kitchen as a kid to avoid marriage, so I did not know how to cook. Indian society had drilled into me that my inability to cook would be a big issue when I get married. So, when Adam and I got engaged, I told him I wanted to tell him something important. He said, ok. And I said, ‘I don’t know how to cool.’ And his response was - ‘Ok, what is the important thing you wanted to tell me?’ It is a minor thing - but it had the seed to take root and grow into a giant tree, and who knows, after marriage, I would take innocent statements made by Adam as a slur against my cooking ability. It takes courage to say such things out loud, to oneself or to someone else. There is a reason why we want to keep them secret. Not all secrets are sinister or have to be told, but one should be at peace with them. You should be the master of your own secrets, and most importantly, you should have the conversation with yourself about it. Regardless of whether you are ok with it or not, there is no point in being secretive about it with yourself. It does not matter if you don’t have the courage yet, but it is essential to shine a light on all dark corners and see what is there, instead of hiding from it or hiding it.

Are there any secrets that you have unleashed into the world, only to realise they have lost their power? What is your relationship with the secrets you have?