Can Running Away From Painful Situation Be An Awesome Thing?

I remember that time when I realised that people who drink are not bad. And this realisation came to me quite late in my twenties, when I was in Phoenix sharing a house with two other girls. I remember walking into our living room one Saturday morning, filled with boys and girls lying around the entire room. It reminded me of scenes I had only read in books or watched in movies. I tiptoed around them into the kitchen, got something real quick to eat, and went quietly into my room. These were the same roommates who gave me a ride to the grocery store until I got my driving license. And I have had conversations with them, and they seemed like normal people.

And that was when I realised how, growing up, I had imbibed this thought that people who smoked and drank were just bad people. I do not recall my parents ever telling me that - in fact, I had my first ever alcoholic drink with my dad and my entire family, and that too at my request. I’m not sure where this blog is headed despite having figured out the headline, but we will find out. And since then, I have had many such instances where I have had to change my belief of what was ok and what was not! Something that was wrong once has become acceptable, because I find myself in a situation where it becomes impossible to deny the truth of what I thought was not acceptable.

One such thing is facing things head-on all the time; if I see something, I have to say something. If somebody has done or said something wrong, then it is of utmost importance that they hear from me. The statements above are correct, except that they are absolute. The words ‘Have to’, ‘All the time’, and ‘Utmost’ imply no space for alternatives. Sometimes it is ok to keep quiet; not everything I see requires something to be said. Because I do not know the whole picture, there is not only one reality and sometimes I may find myself doing the exact same thing that I did not think should be done, like running away instead of facing the problem immediately.

I think I might be suffering from OCD to finish things - closure symptoms. Like, if there is an email, then I have to respond to it soon. Or, if something is bugging me, I must address it right away. I have this intense desire to finish tasks even prematurely sometimes. The keyword here is prematurely - some tasks are like flowers, they can only bloom when the time is right. If I force them to bloom before, they won’t be able to reach their full potential. Similarly, it is ok if some emails remain in my inbox - not all emails have to be answered. The desire to finish tasks might cause more harm, even if it gives me a satisfying feeling. I need to learn to live with that discomfort, knowing that some tasks are not complete. Feeling of incompleteness, unambiguity is ok. Now, the next question is, why does leaving things incomplete bug me - is it because I do not like that nagging feeling in the back of my head that something is missing? Usually, we do something because it gives us a pleasant feeling, or we are trying to avoid an unpleasant feeling. That is the crux of it all - and you know that’s exactly what the meditation practice also teaches us that instead of running behind pleasant sensations or avoiding unpleasant sensations - we need to be aware of them first, notice that they arise to pass away and then realise through experience that what is the point of attaching ourselves to something so temporary - change is the only permanent thing after all.

And like all simple things, it is easier said than done, but that is life. Are there other things you know are easier said than done in your life?