Being Authentic While Being In The World - Is It Possible?

I was walking down the streets of Florence, Italy, with my friend. It had been a nice day - we had walked, people-watched, had a lovely meal and were on our way back to our hotel room. Now, I do not remember who came up with the idea of ringing the bell of the houses we were passing by. And the other party said yes, as if it was the most normal thing to do. We did precisely that - rang bells on the houses as we passed them. We had just passed a couple of houses after skipping a few when my friend said, ‘Do not look back; there’s a cop behind us.’

My heart was beating really fast with the adrenaline of the act, plus now we might have a cop behind us. We were brainstorming all sorts of ideas on how we would reply when the cop just passed us by without giving us a second look. And we heaved a sigh of relief, burst into giggles and went our merry way.

There have been many instances where we have found ourselves in a similar situation. Now, there aren’t many people I know who share the same wavelength as me when it comes to a sense of humour or the importance of societal norms. I am fortunate to have another soulmate. We find the same thing amusing in the room, where other people don’t even blink their eyes. It’s a lot like improv - we’re in sync and build on each other naturally. Naturally is the keyword here - with others, there are varying degrees of sync; some of them are learned, and with some of them, the situation never arises.

I am a child at heart who, unfortunately, has grown up but refuses to behave. I still struggle with the fact that, at times, I have to adapt who I am based on who I am interacting with. I want to be my whole self, the way I am, one hundred per cent of the time. Now, I know that’s not advisable, but as a child, you can do that - it’s only when you grow up that you realise there are many more factors at play. There is no right or wrong answer. People will not always say what they mean - and you have to decipher what they mean. And even if you ask them directly what it is, they might not respond because that is not their culture. People do not always listen to what you are saying, and they still do what they are going to do. How annoying! Yes, it is frustrating that we do not make lives easier for us and others.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I know that there are people out there who say the same about me - like, why does she have to be so direct? Can she not just read between the lines? Why does she have to say something if she sees something? Why does she have to push us so hard? And if somebody said to me, ‘Why can’t you just make life easy for us?’ - I couldn’t. Because we have all been brought up in different cultures, our behaviour has been shaped by our experiences, and we have some genetic DNA that causes us to be who we are.

What does this mean? Life is the art of finding the balance of being who you are while learning to let others be who they are, even if it makes interacting with others challenging at times. One could say that if I just hang out with people who are like me, then it would be fine. Maybe - each one of us is unique, and it will be hard to find somebody with whom you just gel - and if you find that one person, be grateful and nurture that relationship.

Do you have somebody with whom you can fully yourself without having to think about it?