What Happens When The World Starts To Mirror You?

She said, ‘I got 99 out of 100 in Maths.‘
Her mom said, ‘Where did the one mark go?’

That’s the life of a typical child in Asia and India. With a population of billions, even one mark counts. There is scarcity everywhere. So, what does this mean for the kids growing up in the culture? Judging and comparison are the norm - they compare without realizing they do that. It’s like asking fish what water is. And I am no different - you can take the child out of Asia/India, but you cannot take the upbringing out of them. I will agree that it has reduced but does not go away completely.

So, I have absolutely no issues judging people and listing out everything that is wrong with them. Of course, once I became a people leader, this reduced because I saw for myself how people do not wake up to annoy you. Now, it is pretty humbling and annoying because it is so much more fun when you are convinced that they are out to get you, and you can righteously have a go at them.

But recently, I have started noticing something even more troubling.
Let’s say I see one of my direct reports speaking over a colleague and not letting them speak. I make a note to mention it to them, and then I turn around and do the same thing.
One of our end users does not raise a ticket when there is an issue, so I find myself emailing my team instead of raising a ticket.
I am annoyed at one of my business partners for speaking rudely to me, and then I realize my response was also rude, or I speak harshly to another colleague.
I would love for my direct reports to get to the point quickly, and then I go and blab to my leaders as well.

You see the problem here—it is very difficult to point a finger at somebody when four of them are pointing back at you. And suddenly, it has become very obvious as well. Sometimes, it becomes clear as I provide feedback, which is meta. As I have always said, the advice/feedback we give others is what we need to take as well. But the universe is going out of its way to make that clear to me. I feel robbed of the emotional rush I get when I know somebody is wrong. When I see myself doing the ‘wrong’ thing, it is not fun anymore.

Does that mean I do not provide feedback? Does it mean I work on myself before asking somebody else to do it as well? It makes giving feedback easier as I give it from a place of somebody who is also going through the same thing instead of looking down at them. And for my Ego, despite all the beatings in working with Actuaries whose Ego is bigger than mine (Yeah - Go Figure!), it is not a nice feeling. It is hard to admit to myself that I am not as perfect as I thought I was. There is an adjustment period here.

Maybe this is what the quote says: ‘The World is like a mirror—it is an outer reflection of the inner world.’ At some point, both worlds will meet as they are the same, and maybe this observation is an insight that I am getting closer to that meeting point. It is scary, especially when a couple of nights ago, I had a dream about my teeth falling out.

Well, if it is time to meet who I really am, then so be it - it will happen whether I am ready or not. Are you there too? Are you prepared for when that happens?