Why Is It Important To Keep Promises With Oneself?

I saw a video interview between a talented writer and actor on YouTube. The actor was telling his story - his first film was a big hit, and then he got a lot of offers. He looked at the script, picked the ones he liked, and made those films. But, four of those films did not do well - and even when he was shooting them, he would go home and cry because he was not happy. So, he promised himself that he would do a film only when he liked the script and believed in the ability of the director and producer. He realized that the script alone cannot indicate how well the film will be made because the director and producer also have their own view of the script.

At the lowest point in his career, when the media had written him off as a one-film wonder and the rest of his films were flopping, he got a call from a great director who wanted to do a movie with him—but he did not like the script. He spent an entire night in turmoil, wondering if he should break his promise to himself. The next day, he told the director the truth, and the director respected him for that.

Now, for the point of telling this story: The actor said he is very glad he did not break the promise to him at that moment because if he had, then his integrity, which makes him a talented actor, would have been broken.

That is courage - true courage. If you are broken inside, you will never be whole in the outside world - it does not matter what promise you made to yourself, but integrity within is paramount. And he is correct if you break the promise to yourself once - it’s a slippery slope in my experience. Of course, there is the golden mean always, but some things, when broken, leave a wound that might heal but leave scars. As some of you know, I do Vipassana meditation - and one of the prerequisites of taking the course is that you stick to five precepts. If you are a serious student, then the intention is to stick to them even in your daily life. And they are very common sense - abstain from killing, sexual misconduct, telling lies, intoxicants, stealing. The rationale behind this is that any of these activities leave a strong imprint or vibration in your body that interferes with meditation - and as you get established in practice, you also start to feel it.

Similarly, promises made to oneself also have a vibration, however tiny they might be. It takes a lot of courage to make a promise to oneself and even more courage to get back up after you have broken it—but you can only move forward. Learn the lesson and look ahead. Forgive, but do not forget. And you know in your heart whether you are ready for the promise - sometimes, you have to build the muscle to keep the pledge before making the promise. When the time comes, you will know - honour it and yourself. There will be lightness and joy when you fulfil that promise to yourself instead of heaviness or fear. As the actor said, the script will take importance, not his role - and when we keep the promise to ourselves, the soul will take priority, not the ego. As the saying goes - “When the ego weeps for what it has lost, the spirit rejoices for what it has found.”

Do you have a promise you want to make to yourself?