Is There Any Point In Getting Angry, Really?

When I moved to London for my MBA at London Business School, I was exposed to swearing a lot more. Up until then, I had led a very sheltered life in which swear words never made their way, I guess. My friend used to swear a lot, and she switched to saying ‘Fish’ for a while before finally stopping. I never understood the point of swearing - it did nothing except create a sense of shock/awe. The person annoying you or the thing that is not getting done will not be remedied because of swearing, right? I remember somebody telling me that swearing helps depict the intensity of your emotions. And I have had no issues communicating the depth of my feelings without swearing; my body language does it well enough.

And then, a couple of days ago, in the morning, as I was making my tea and my husband was making an omelette, I said, “There is no point in getting angry. What will anger do? If it would fix the problem, then it would make sense. Just like I don’t swear because it does not accomplish anything, getting angry is also similar.” People said about me growing up, “She has anger on her nose.” I was quick to anger—short-tempered, I guess. Thankfully, I have worked on myself since then, and the frequency of my anger has reduced. But it still had a hold on me at times. And this realization seems to have made a dent in that. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry; of course, I do, but then I use it as a reminder to calm down instead of rolling in.

I have internalized the awareness of understanding anger, which has manifested vocally as “What is the point of getting angry?” Of all the emotions, anger wins the race in overtaking us. It happens so fast that before we know it, we are being carried in the stream of anger. So, if I am at work and swamped and somebody pings me repeatedly - I get angry and retort. But now, once I know I am angry and acting in anger will do more damage. - I can tell the person to ping me later or tell them what to do without reacting angrily.

Now, this is not a new thing - I knew about this intellectually before, but this time, it feels more real, as if a veil has dropped, a layer of onion has been peeled. It is hard to explain - everything else stays the same, but an internal shift has happened. The same things are happening, but my response is different; hence, the outcome is also different. Whatever the reason, I am grateful - this is true grace when realities shift, especially from the inside out. One way an internal shift happens is through suffering - there is so much suffering that you are jolted into looking inside, and you want a way out and find one. It all essentially starts with awareness, then trial and error as you try to change and then the change actually becomes the new normal. That is when it becomes the new reality until there is a need for change again.

A part of life is getting used to these cycles of reaching maturity and then starting again - the harsh reality of life. My vision in life is to be a better version of myself and inspire others to do the same. The fundamental requirement for my vision is changing what does not work for me - some changes are harder than others, some happen organically, and some require conscious efforts - but change is a constant.

What have you internalized recently? What change is constant for you?