How Can One Know Their True Self When Change Is The Only Constant?

I am reading ‘Wind And Truth’, Book Five of Brandon Sanderson’s Stormlight Archive series. It is an epic fantasy series. This book is three hundred and forty-four pages long and, with my reading speed, will take me twenty-six hours to read. The last book in the series came four years ago, and it took me three hours of solid studying to get through the recap. All the characters in this book are on a quest to find themselves while saving the world from evil - and I have always found it amazing how threads in my life sometimes weave in with the books I am reading.

Not that I am on some epic quest to save the world, but I do believe that I am on a quest to find who I truly am. The eternal question - Who Am I? On this plane, there is no answer, and outside this plane, there is no one to ask the question. And on that koan-like statement, let’s get to the point of the blog. But, before that, a few stories.

I remember the feedback I got as a people leader for the first time at work - that I don’t open up much. I am all about work, and my response was - why would people care to know about me? Holding the feedback internally until it resonated with me over the following few projects helped me realize that when I told people about myself - they could connect more; they saw my vulnerability, someone other than a talking voice who barked orders (I am exaggerating). What tipped the scales for me was that it was easier for me - one, I did not have to put constraints around what I could share and what I could not - which freed up mental energy. Second, it was easier to get work done when people connected with you. So, I changed into someone who is very open about her life. Look at my blogs; I am using writing as therapy with the public as an audience.

The point here is that my true self changed or adapted—what I thought was my true self was not true for me anymore. And now, in my current role, I am faced with a situation where wearing your heart on your sleeves is sometimes being used against me. What I might have said in a different context, jokingly, is being twisted and used to drive a wedge between people. The same thing that brought connection is now causing a divide.

Something that I had a hard time getting used to, opening up to other people, is something I have a hard time letting go of now. And isn’t it ironic that the Universe threw this my way - as if to remind me that the true self that I cling to is also subject to change? Then the question is - who is this self that you should be true to? If that self keeps changing. I don’t know the answer - and maybe by the time I find the answer my-self already knows the answer. Ok, enough of word riddles. The reality is that now I know by experience that my true self is subject to change, and for a good reason, as otherwise, how will I become a better version of myself? Wisdom lies in knowing that this resistance to change in oneself - even when it is for the better is a good thing - because it means I am embracing change. It may feel like you are going back to what you knew before, but reality is far away from that - you are peeling another layer of onion on your journey of self-discovery.

And as the new year begins - are you ready to continue your quest of self-discovery with gusto?