Sometimes It's Good To Be Weird - It Is Better Than Being Normal

Death is not the opposite of life but an innate part of life. This quote came twice in the book I just read - Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami. It is a weird book. It has a lot of death and unexpressed feelings as if the characters are trying to find out how they feel about things happening around them and are unable to figure that out. As a reader, it leaves you feeling incomplete. I picked up the book today, so that is what I also wanted to experience in some ways.

This week, I was house-sitting for my in-laws, who downsized. I parked in the garage and took the elevator to the fourth floor. It was all off compared to when we had come before - I parked on the other side of the garage, and the elevator was on the wrong side. So, I called my husband, who told me I had gone to Building A, whereas my in-laws lived in Building B. He said that I was in the wrong building and that he could not fix it for me. He could not fix that; nobody could - only me.

When I moved to Phoenix, I had to get internet access. I called the company, and they said it would take two weeks. I wanted it sooner, but there was nothing I could do about it. I called my dad, and he said I would have to wait for two weeks. I would have to wait.

My first love never loved me back. We definitely had something between us, but not in the same way. After months of banging my head against a wall and all the suffering of love, it occurred to me that I could not get another person to love me. Intellectually, it makes sense, but to experience it—it hits home in a way you never forget.

There are things, situations and people in this life that do not work out the way we want them to. The world does not operate how we want it to, and for good reason. But it still stings; it still hurts. It is like the chasm between knowing that life goes its merry way and how we want it to go. We all know the chasm exists but still try to bridge it. Is that stupidity? I do not think so - I think that is the human in us. We are all humans born for a reason to experience human-ness, which includes all the messiness, ups and downs - love, laughter, grief and pain. When we have had our fill, we will be done with it. Until then, we just have to resign ourselves to our human nature. And honour it while it lasts. We have a human experience, after all - so the tug of war between both sides is to be expected. Maybe the trick is to enjoy the human aspects while keeping a foot in the being world? Who knows?

All I know is that I am in a weird mood after the book, but writing this blog seems like a normal extension of that mood. As if these words help my subconscious make sense of things that my conscious mind has no clue about. Even though there is a sense of unease, it is also underlined with peace, like a rainbow that appears only when it is raining and the sun comes out. It is the understanding that things work out even if you have no clue how?

By the way, birth is the opposite of death, not life—life is constant between death and birth. Are you ready to embrace the weirdness inside of you?