I Make Mistakes And Will Probably Keep Making Them?

In October of last year - I wrote this blog - The Importance Of Being Earnest - Did We Lose It Along The Way? - Anu Morris. And almost a year later, my views have changed one hundred eighty degrees. In the blog, I talked about how my business partners were sometimes the best part of the job, and I loved having direct and frank conversations with them. I even shared this article with them.

Since then, despite having ups and downs, the trajectory has been a downward spiral to the point that I have set boundaries on how to work with them, which I have never done in my corporate life. I have accepted that building relationships like other stakeholders will not work for the individuals in the group and have switched to ‘rely on the process tactic’. It does slow it down, and working with them is an unpleasant experience - but the alternative is even worse. The most important thing is that I have made peace with this approach - and life has been a lot more manageable once I have landed on my truth for now.

Truth, for now, is the mantra - Who is to say that another year down the line, I will write another blog stating that it is the best experience of my life? The ups and downs in life are constant, but what is not constant is my experience of them - I am happy if they are as per my expectations, and I am sad when they are not. And this is my life’s work - to maintain equanimity throughout. My vision is to be a better version of myself every day and inspire others to do the same. And I believe the universe has the same vision for me - because the challenges get tougher and more demanding. So, what does that mean for me?

The expectation that I am perfect and will not make mistakes is unsustainable. Even as I write it down, I cannot believe that—I thought it was possible, but I have always believed in utopia. Or, as I tell others, perfection is difficult to improve. The mistake I made in this situation is that I can win over all stakeholders by building personal relationships with them, using humor, and being myself. Now, in my defence, it has worked to date - but when it did not, I got mad. Instead of changing the tactic, I got angry at others - on the fifth or sixth day of the ten-day retreat, I realized that I was by myself and still getting angry. It took a lot of rolling in anger, suffering and chats with my mentor, and I finally realized that what had worked before would not work here. And my ego got a much-deserved beating - a lot of my drive to make it work was to prove others wrong. Almost everybody had warned me when I took the role - but I chose to ignore them because I thought I would prove them all wrong. That is the other lesson learnt - respect organizational history and baggage, even if I don’t see it - I shouldn’t discount it. I am sure there are tons of other lessons that will become clearer as I grow in my career.

The most important lesson I’ve learned is that I will make more mistakes like this, learn from them, and repeat the cycle. This is the essence of growth, and it’s the path I’ve chosen to follow. Even as I write this, I feel a pang of anxiety because I don’t want to make mistakes. But I’ve come to accept that this is my truth for now, and I must keep moving forward. My intention is to feel joy when I realize I’ve made a mistake because it means I can correct it. This is the mental model I strive to adopt that embraces imperfection and sees mistakes as opportunities for growth.

Is there a mental model that needs change in your life?