Am I Filling The Shoes I Have Right Now?

A few weeks ago, I ran a half marathon. To be honest, the actual run seemed a letdown compared to the training leading up to it. So, this was my first time doing any kind of a run officially- I was a little surprised by how it unfolded. To begin with, there is a line for the loo. And some people are really hardcore, like warm-up with high knees - it was causing my anxiety, so I stayed close to Adam. There were so many people when the race started, and it was distracting to go around them while maintaining my pace. And the race was set in downtown, so we were running on proper roads with houses next to it. There were people everywhere with water and juice, which was nice and also to cheer us on, which was a bit awkward at first. But, once the 5K and quarter marathon folks dropped out, I settled into a rhythm. A walking group was ahead of me, and I followed them all through. I am grateful that I did not flag at any point, and I finished the run and could have run a couple more miles. My husband finished a good twenty minutes earlier and was waiting for me at the finish line - he was so happy that we had achieved the milestone and wanted to take photos with our medals, etc. I was surprised by my reaction - my first thought was, oh! That’s it, now what? And I was not that keen on celebrating.

Now, let’s go back to when I was training. I would run in a nearby metro park. Most of the time, it was just me, my music, rabbits, deer, and the stillness of the woods around me. It was easier to hear the habit patterns of my mind objectively as I worked up to running longer every time. And that was when the magic happened—I would discover what obstacles I was putting in front of me, whether at work, running, or life. Since it was just me, the layer where we behaved around other people was not there, which I had not accounted for in the actual run. I remember thinking at the actual run that next time, I could do my half marathon in my training route itself. I have fond memories of my training that have left an indelible mark on me, much more than the actual run.

Another switch in the narration here - over the last year at work, I have slowly built my team, coached people out, hired new people, and worked with my team on mindset and approach. I have slowly set the stage to share my vision with them: To be a better version of myself every day and inspire others to do the same. Most importantly, I have let them know whether they like it or not, as my team, it will trickle down to them. Now, I am at a point where they mention being a high-performing team on their own. I have also levelled up to an extent where I have the stamina to keep up with my business partners. They are actuaries, which means they are super bright in intellect. You know, the last mile of a race, the last leg of the flight, always seems the longest - that is what every meeting with them is like for me, whereas they are ready to run another thirteen miles. I have worked to a level where I can at least keep up with them most of the time; hence, it is easier to enjoy myself than to feel exhausted. Their social/personal skills are not at the same level as their intellectual skills; there is an imbalance. And it has also taken me a while to adjust to that—all this to say that things have gotten better since I started.

The point of this blog is to express that I am enjoying where I am. That led me to realise that I will miss the current moment when it is gone, so it is best to enjoy every moment as it comes and live it fully. For example, the moments in training are more precious than crossing the finishing line. The time with my team right now will never return—watching them stretch themselves and perform. The joy of keeping up with my business partners will soon be lost once it becomes the norm. I realise how precious each moment is with my team, as it will not last forever. I need to get my fill of it now to enjoy the future moments to the fullest.

I played a lot as a child and coded a lot growing up - so now, when I look back at that, there is only a warm glow in my heart of satisfaction as opposed to a longing to want more - for which I am very grateful. And I intend to do the same now at work, as in the future, when I am doing different things, I can look back and experience the same fulfilment.

I could have summarised the blog by saying - This moment is as good as it gets and to make the most of it, but I enjoyed the long-winded journey to get to this point. Are you enjoying this moment?