What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do?

Imagine walking 40 km (sometimes 50 km) every night for five nights on tar roads when the weather is 40C. The heat (104F) is one reason the walking is done at night, among other reasons like traffic, etc. So, this is what I did a few years ago—walk a pilgrimage south of India. It is an annual event, and I have done it twice so far. Oh! And you walk barefoot and sleep under the trees at the side of the road.

And it wasn’t a thought-out decision; my mom and aunts were going to walk. So, one day, I decided I would do it as well. My mom asked me multiple times if I was really sure as it is hard work, and in her mind - a promise made to God has to be kept - no turning back. Even my grandmom told me - that I wear slippers even inside the home; how will I walk 250km barefoot? Some things in life are decided for us - and this was one of them; my mind was made up for some unknown reason.

So, we started the journey - which meant every day, we started walking at around 6 pm - and walking for 12-13 hours, hoping we would finish the journey before 7 am when it became too hot. And some nights, even the road was not paved, so going was slow as you had to navigate rocks and pebbles. You do this in groups, obviously. After a couple of nights, I was already getting blisters - my feet would be swollen from all the walking - and it was hot. Thankfully, we would be so tired that it was easy to doze during the day.

The groups usually have a few people who sing religious songs as we walk because it keeps the energy up. At first, I enjoyed the music but did not grasp the real meaning of it - until the third or fourth night when I was finding it so difficult to walk. But, I did not want to give up - my feet were tied up in bandages due to blisters, so my mind found escape in the song being chanted. And I found myself latching onto the song, and the music carried me through the night - it did. That, itself, was a miracle.

I am a stubborn, headstrong person by nature, and it is tough for me to admit defeat, ask for help, or, in general, show vulnerability of any kind. That night, I realized that there are times when our willpower or personal effort is not enough, and sometimes we need a little extra from the outside to carry us through.

There are times in our lives when we have reached the end of all that we know—however scary and unsettling that may be. So, what do you do when you do not know what to do? Breathe and pay attention. Do the best you can do - and ‘know’ that the universe has your back. Most importantly, don’t beat yourself up or obsess over not knowing what to do - instead, create the space for ‘What to do’ to emerge.